Ah, love…when the heart’s involved, how can the head manage it?

Most of us know how easily the heart can become involved in situations where the head should be leading the way. For women, it may be the $400 pair of Louboutin shoes, we know we can’t afford, but think we can’t live without. For men, it may be that 52inch flat screen tv, as if the 48inch you already have isn’t big enough. Why is it that logic and reason seem to wrestle with passion and desire on a regular basis? For some, past hurts make us lean too much on the side of the head—reality rules, while for others, the yearning desire and passion cause us to lean too much on the side of the heart, flinging caution to the wind and going for it. How do you know which way is best when you can’t decide between following your heart and listening to your head, what should you do? Let’s see…

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Following your head requires that you be very logical and practical. You can’t let your emotions play any part in your decision making process. You must put things in categories and stay focused on the goal. All options must be considered with the most sensible option being the best. Never take a chance on anything. Consider everything that could go wrong. Don’t get excited about anything, and be ready to say “no” before you even consider saying, “yes.” It’s just not worth it to be wrong.

Wow—following your head sounds very safe, and very boring! Let’s look at following the heart.

Following your heart requires you to be very open-minded and optimistic. You follow your emotions, go with what you feel is right. Being happy in the moment is of utmost importance. You are a risk-taker, and take a chance on things even when you have no idea how or if it will work out in your favor. Heart-followers are often excited, but a little anxious at times. Your favorite phrase is, “why not!” The worst thing that can happen is that you will fail, and you’d rather try and fail than never know what could have happened.

Wow—following your heart sounds exhilarating, and a little bit scary! So what should you do? COMPROMISE!

Wisdom should be the guiding factor in matters of the head and heart. Try these steps to decide the best course of action.

1. Be objective – Write down the pros and cons of your decision – what’s the best that can come out of it if you do it, what’s the worst that can happen if you do it. Then write down the other side—what’s the best that can happen if you don’t go for it, and what’s the worst that can happen if you don’t go for it.

2. Seek counseling – Select no more than two trusted and wise, impartial people to ask for assistance. Avoid asking your best friend who thinks just like you do. Get somebody who can help you weigh your options, be objective, and provide sound guidance. The best counselor won’t TELL you what to do, they will help you come to a decision on your own that honors the goals and dreams you have for your life.

3. Pray – Involve God in your decision. Pray for the ability to get past your fears and/or your emotions and really consider your course of action.

4. Understand your influences – If you surround yourself with people who are fearful, scared to take a chance, or not motivated, you’ll be the same way. If you surround yourself with people who are irresponsible, care-free, and reckless, you will be influenced by them. Separate yourself from the people you normally hang around. Figure out who you are outside of your crew and make a decision that honors where you’re going, not where you are.

5. Spend some time alone – Find time to be peaceful and quiet. To really connect your head and heart.

6. Trust yourself again – If you’re feeling fearful, try to figure out why. If you’re feeling anxious, figure out why. Is your fear and anxiety based on past hurts, bad experiences, or past failure? If so, you may be older and wiser now and ready to take on a new experience. Don’t let your fears, hurts, and pains from the past keep you from your future. Be realistic, but also be optimistic. You’re wiser now. It may be time to take a chance again.

Sophia Avery, MA and Donavan Sterling West are a dynamic Relationship Counseling team! If you’d like further information, discussion or a Relationship Counseling session, please call us at visit our website at AND become a fan of the Avery-West Counseling team! Visit our page on FaceBook at

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