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I cannot say this enough, especially for women, but definitely for men as well. Don’t get too familiar and too caught up in someone until you get to know them. You might think grown folks would have their lives together, but there are plenty of grown folks dragging years of toxic baggage behind them that you might not see when you first meet them. You may think he/she is The One, but if you haven’t had good love since Tupac was alive, wait until you see if their representative adds up to the actual person. I can’t say enough to women to be smart because some men are dangerous and will prey on your vulnerability. That goes for men as well, but women, even over 40, are still more at risk when they don’t use their street smarts.


If you are over 40, unless you’re a celebrity, you may find it a challenge to find someone who is tall, handsome, wealthy, as smart as Barack Obama and as adventurous as Will Smith, especially if you can’t match all of those qualities. Men, well, you may have a little more leeway, quite honestly, but if you’re trying to pull a dime and your stomach is bigger than a woman who’s in her second trimester, it might be more of a challenge than you think. The truth is, pickings are a little slimmer at this age and you have to work if you want someone who’s checking off everything on your list. No one says you should settle but if you want it all, you better be willing to #LevelUp yourself.


Are you miserable single and desperately want a relationship? Then you are poor relationship material. Every relationship ends. Whether it ends it breakup or death, it ends. If you are totally dependent on another person for your happiness, you are making that person you co-dependent, not your man or woman. Relationships that look good from the outside (see: social media) are often not great relationships on the inside. Work to be more emotionally self-sufficient and you’re likely to attract someone who is as well and then the two of you can come together to enhance either other, not drain each other.


Do you really want to be married? If you’re already been married and it didn’t work out, was part of the problem not the person, but marriage itself? Are you really happy being single but don’t want to be alone? Do you just not believe in marriage? Consider  all of these things before you decide whether or not you want to bring someone else into the picture. If you are honest, you might find someone who wants the same thing, but if you lie to yourself or someone else, one or both of you is going to end up miserable.


If you want a good relationship, don’t give up. Keep working on yourself. Change your intention, wig, attitude, mindset, and expectation. Find something that makes you feel good and pursue it. Happiness is attractive. Work to love yourself – it’s more than just a cliché. It should be your way of being. If you want love, don’t give up on it. It’s waiting for you, but only if you believe it’s possible.

PHOTO: Thinkstock






Dating Over 40? 10 Things You Need To Know was originally published on blackamericaweb.com

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