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My editor brought up an interesting topic that is discussed ad nauseam but rarely resolved. It’s a problem that many single mothers have that leads to headaches, sore throats and an overall feeling of sickness.

These women have inconsistent baby daddies.

The inconsistencies can come in the form of late or missing child support payments. Sometimes, it’s a case of the father being absent from the child’s life or coming around sometimes and then disappearing for weeks, months or years. There’s nothing funny or honorable about it it all.

An inconsistent baby daddy is more than an inconvenience, it’s major dysfunction that negatively affects a mother, and worse, robs a child of the added developmental support structure that helps a kid grow up the right way. While it’s totally possible for a mother to raise a child on her own, it’s equivalent to using tape on a broken coffee cup handle when glue would be a better fix.

To be clear, this isn’t a rant about deadbeat dads. The purpose here is to shed light on a few changes of approach to get what you need from the man who gave you the DNA to make the little angel that calls you mommy. Though the temptation to scream “double standard” while you read will be heavy, I’m telling you that it is what it is.

The objective here isn’t to downplay the truths that so many exhausted, frustrated single moms already know. I’m putting alternatives out there for women who aren’t waiting for their deadbeat to instantly get woke tomorrow morning and do the right thing. Turning your back on a child is a selfish, damaging act that comes from a selfish, damaged person. This is the type of man who you’re dealing with. As logical as your arguments may be, it’s time to get creative and think about new ways to problem solve in the best interests of you and your child/ren.

If there’s one thing that I’ve noticed about a lot of baby mommas in conflict, it’s that a lot of them turn getting help from their baby daddies into a personal crusade to punish them or make a point. Many of them don’t even realize how much of a waste of time this is. These dudes don’t give a crap about the point you’re trying to make and will forget all about it as soon as the next pissed-off baby momma posts another social media rant.

Ask yourself, do you want to get what you want or do you just want to be right? Because that angry meme you posted on social media doesn’t magically turn into baby food and diapers. When the average wack baby daddy gets wind of your snarky antics, don’t expect him to get motivated to then deal with you on any productive level.

You’ve just become an ass cramp that he wants to walk off and be done with. If he’s as petty as you’ve portrayed him to be online, there’s a good chance he’s going to ramp it up by picking a fight or ignoring you altogether. Instead, start looking at your relationship as a business deal and check the personal attacks at the door. It’s the same thing as posting online about how much your job sucks. No good will come out of it. Be strategic, be smart and don’t allow your disdain to prevent you from getting what you want.

How To Handle Baby Daddy Drama Without The Drama was originally published on blackamericaweb.com

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