Remember how in your teenage years you thought that once you hit adulthood, you’d have all this relationship stuff figured out? Talk about naiveté. Boy, were you wrong!
You could be fabulous in every way, have your life together and you when the day is done, you can still have no one to call BAE. You can always do some reflection to see if there’s anything you’re doing or not doing that’s getting in the way of finding the relationship you want. So maybe now is the time to take inventory.
MUST READ: Does Dating Suck? Maybe It’s Time To Move
1. You keep doing the same thing over and over again.
One quarter of all Americans are now meeting their future spouses through some sort of digital platform. Have you tried that? Or are you hanging out only at your local cocktail bar hoping that this night will be the night you meet your dream guy? If you’re really against meeting people online, don’t forget that many if not most people are still meeting their future spouses through friends. So make your friends go to new hangout spots, try out new hobbies, and participate in new things that you enjoy doing – that’s how you meet new and interesting people who you have things in common with already!
2. What you say you want and what you go for are polar opposites.
Aziz Ansari’s new book called Modern Romance is out and in an article he wrote for TIME about the book, he quoted Dan Slater’s Love in the Time of Algorithms–which is a client service dedicated to finding people what they say they wanted. What Slater discovers is that what people say they want and what they actually go for do not mirror each other. Now you don’t need to have some sort of “list” but you do need to have some sense of your fundamentals. And then you need to ask yourself if you actually live up to these or not by who you go for.
3. You don’t know the difference between a good guy and the “right” guy for you.
As you mature, you leave behind some types of guys. Hopefully the kinds of guys that are shady and unreliable, and bad boys who are thrilling but not much else. And hopefully you start to go for guys who are respectful and treat you well – the good guys. The reality is, however, that just because a guy is a good guy, it doesn’t mean he’s the right guy for you. Attraction, compatibility, and love are just not always straightforward. You know that quote about how, “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world and somebody is still not going to like peaches”? Well, that quote doesn’t only apply to you – it can apply to a “good” guy too. A good guy that’s not your right guy.
4. Your standards are not high, they are impossible.
Having standards is a good thing, having high standards is better. Just make sure that the high standards you set up for yourself, you live up to as well. But beyond that, don’t expect perfection from people. People have flaws and weaknesses, and the sight of those things aren’t always “red flags” – they are reminders that people have battle scars from their walks of life. You probably have them too – even if you may hide yours well. Also, looking for perfection is a cop-out because we all know it doesn’t exist. Keep your standards high, but don’t make them impossible. Imperfections are beautiful and they they’re what makes falling in love with someone awesome.
5. All indicators in life point to your heart just not being ready.
I know it sounds cliché, and maybe it is. But clichés are clichés for a reason. Sometimes there is no specific “reason” other than your heart is not ready for this yet. And really, it’s not like you’ll know when your heart will be ready for the love that is right for you. But rather when the love that is right for you comes your way, your heart will be ready.
7 Signs Your Relationship Is Not Where It Should Be
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1. To The Left, To The Left
Relationships are beautiful, especially in the beginning when everything feels light, carefree and fun. But somewhere between the honeymoon phase and your 57th fight, somethings have changed for the both of you. There's so many people who hold on to love because of years invested, they think they should or whatever. Here's 7 signs that you should stop holding on and let go of a relationship that's not working.
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2. If This Is Your Theme Song
If you're constantly singing Keyshia Cole breakup anthems, "He's so caught up/He won't call her/He shows no love…" then your man may just need to go ahead and find the curb before you kick him to it.
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3. You're A Flirt
Whether you're at a bar or simply crossing the street, if you find yourself always flirting with the next man, chances are, you're not happy in your relationship. Stop stringing along your lover and let them go. It's clear you don't want to be in that relationship anymore if someone else is always catching your eye.
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4. You're On Again, Off Again Constantly
Break ups to make up is fine, but if you find yourself in a cycle of breaking up and getting back together, then you probably should make your next break your last.
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5. All You Do Is Fight
Fighting is healthy in relationships. It proves that you care enough about your significant other that you can't help but be outwardly frustrated. If the only communication you do with your loved one is arguing, yelling and belittling one another, then it's time to take a step back and assess what's going on in your relationship that only anger is communicated.
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6. We Becomes Me
Your chats used to be filled with "we" language, often including you in their decisions and making sure you're always a part of their plans. These days, you hear a lot more "me" language, which means you're no longer considered in their plans, no longer a part of their decisions and therefore, less of an impactful piece of their life.
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7. You're Not Who You Used To Be
Growing and changing within the relationship is inevitable. However, whenever you look up from your relationship and you notice that you're always saying, "I used to be fun," "I used to love going out" or "I used to have plans every night," you're at a point where you've ventured far away from who you once were. That's the kind of thing that causes resentment. This ends relationships.
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8. There's A Growing Distance Between You
Phone calls are extinct, texts are few and far between and when they do come, they're short. There's excuses that always seem to come up when it comes time to spend time together. Something else may have their attention or they simply don't want to offer theirs to you. Whichever it is, you can be sure that they're no longer interested in the way that they once were.