CLOSE
RNB Philly Listen Live

You’ve got questions? He’s got answers! Need advice?

Send your questions to Terrance: girlworkonyou@aol.com

Dear Gay Best Friend,

I sometimes wonder if I am crazy or not. I married a guy that I had known since 2002, and we dated in high school. Three years went by and we started dating again and decided to get married. We did not get married because I had found out that he lived with his ex and I had cheated on him when I moved in, and we stopped talking for almost a year.

In 2009 we decided to get married, and everything went downhill from there – girls calling my phone asking for him. Him sending naked pictures (which he denies to this day), and running up a 1400 minute phone bill in 3 days talking to his exes.

Because of my job I have a lot of guy friends and became really close with one. I eventually told my husband, and my friend and I stopped talking because of my marriage. At this point, he started going through my phone, e-mail (yahoo and hotmail), Myspace, Facebook, cancelled Black Planet.

I started to realize that he was very hypocritical. I took care of my stepson, paid $700 of his child support all the while he was talking to all of his exes (while I cut all men that he did not approve of out of my life).

Well, when we decided to get a divorce, a week later he had to get his hip replaced (broke it in a car accident, that he lied about). He was kicked out of the military and is now struggling financially. I should also add that at the time he only had to pay for a cell phone bill, but he stopped paying for it and I ended up with a $1000 phone bill. He continues to tell me that he can’t make me happy anymore and he understands that, but he wants our friendship from the past 9 years back.

I feel that I can’t put myself back in that situation again, and any feelings that I had for him either in a relationship or friendship is completely gone.  I’m not in high school anymore and I don’t want to have to deal with high school games and irresponsible men.

I am wondering if I am wrong to give up on my marriage or is this marriage just done for. – Young and Confused

“I Allow My Husband To Sleep With Other Women, But How Do I Explain It To My Friends”

Dear Ms. Young and Confused,

Girl, I’m the one who’s confused. What the hell is going on over there? It’s a hotmess.com, .org, and .net.

Why are you complaining about stepping up to the plate financially, emotionally, and mentally when you are his wife? That’s what you signed up for, isn’t it? Those are the wedding vows that you regurgitated when you were so eager and excited to get married to this man. And, why did you marry him knowing all the information you had about him? You’re the dumbass for knowingly marrying someone who you knew the truth about, yet you marched your silly ass down the aisle with that tan wedding dress. I know it wasn’t white! It better not had been.

But, let’s get some things straight. He was living with his ex, and he lied about it. He was sending naked pictures of himself to various women, and he lied about it. He broke his hip in a car accident, and he lied about it. Uhm, boo boo the fool, do you see a recurring theme here? Chile, I swear this summer heat is burning through those synthetic wigs and causing brain damage.

This is the gist of what I’m getting about your husband – HE IS A LIAR!

Why do you keep footing the bills if he is running them up? Wait a minute, I’m sorry, but is his cell phone in your name? Why am I even asking you this question, of course it is! Turn the motherf***er off! Or, how about getting him a plan where he can talk with unlimited minutes. You do know those plans exist? But, again, I would turn the motherf***er off myself. Let one of his exes, or whichever woman he’s talking with, buy him a phone and put him on her plan.

Chile, I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. If your husband is telling you that he cannot make you happy, then why are you still there? And, for the record, no one can make you happy. You have to be happy with yourself. The only thing another person can do is add to your happiness, and if they are not adding or contributing to your happiness then kick boots and get them out of your life. Your husband obviously wants out of the marriage. I can tell by his tone, and what he’s saying to you. Your husband is not in love with you. He does not want to be married to you. So, let him go, move on, and get your life in order.

Honey, I’m so overyou.com. If you’re talking about a divorce, then rush to get it done. Stop contemplating or wondering if you should do it. DO IT!!! And, he is asking for your friendship of the past 9 years back. Girl, where is that Rhianna song, Man Down. It’s about to be a situation.  I tell you what, calculate all the time, energy, money, and sex you gave him and ask him to give that back to you! He owes you damn it! He got a lot of nerve, but then again, you have been bending over backwards trying to please him. So, how about you bend forward and please you! BOOM! BAM! POW! – Straight From Your Gay Best Friend

Make sure to get your copy of my new book,  Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books – June 2011; $15). It is available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, HERE!

You can follow Terrance Dean on Twitter, HERE!

You can also visit Terrance Dean’s website to find out more about him, HERE!